Questions of Life????

Well I'm back to my life in Alberta....and to be honest I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. It's was extremely hard for me to leave Nova Scotia . I think on some level being in Nova Scotia made me feel closer to my dad. And now that I'm back here I feel lost!!! I honestly thought that when I got back here and seen Wes everything would go back to the way that its suppose to be, but that's not the case...I feel like an outsider looking in.

And I don't know how I'm suppose to do make it better, what are the steps to me getting my life back?? And will it get back to what it was?? or do I need to accept the fact that life with never be the same and move on??

Alot has changed since I left in Sept..or maybe it's just me that changed...I'm not really sure any more. So I guess I will spend the next couple of months trying to figure out where I fit in , in this great big crazy world

Copenhagen Long Cut !!!! ewwww

Well it's late and I'm just sitting down to write...I spended most of the day cleaning the Copenhagen Long cut (ewwwww )off the walls in the bathroom . My dad loved his copenhagen long cut (ewwwww again). he did it day and night !!! The Friday that I took him to the hospital, he made me go get it out of the van that night before I left. When he passed away on Saturday they gave me his belonging. 2 days later when I went to look for his chain , that I came across his copenhagen. So the day of the funeral I was planning on putting it in his pocket for him, when I went to look for it and realized that I forgot it home , so off to the store I went and got some (15 buck) . I stuck it in his pocket and told him to have a good chew on the way up to the big house. I had forgotten all about it til...yesterday when I was cleaning the pantry/storage room and I came across a sobey's bag full of empty copenhagen container. Seriously there must have been at least 30 of them in there ....(what he was saving them for we will never know) . But it was one of those little things and brings a smile to your face.. and then the tears started. Then I went looking for the open container that I had..and I decided that I'm gonna (no not chew it) ewww, but stick it in the freezer so that every time I look in there I will see it and think of him.. or til one day in the far far far away future...think to myself...why the hell are you keeping this!!!

Home Is Where The Heart Is!!!

Well here I sit at Dad's house all by my lonesome... I love this place!!! Its quiet, beautiful view and it's home. But when I get up in the morning the first thing I do is look in Dad's bed to see if he's up yet, and when I don't see him in there then I walk to the kitchen and look to see if he's at the kitchen table and then it hits me that he's gone!!

So now am I an orphane???? My Mom died 10 years ago and now my father has passed on.

It's funny looking around my dad's place( and it will always be dad's place) and seeing everything . I don't want to touch any thing and probably won't till the spring when I come home again and have a clear head. So to make a long story short my home will will always be here. and as some say....Home Is Where The Heart Is!!!.

I know my blogs are boring ,,, but I promise to make them more interesting in the future ;0)

Winter....Winter who????

Well I guess it had to come some time. I was just driving my 30 km back from town when it started to snow, hail , rain....whatever you wanted to call it...and it's damn cold out there too!!!
So for the past few days I have been trying to get everything done that needs to be done at my dad's house that I need a man for...I know I know....as bad as it sounds..I'm going to ultilize Wes while he's still here. And the inside stuff I can do my self.

Who knew there would be so much to do....clean up the yard and lock away anything that is of any value. Get locks for the shops, change the house into my name, change the cars over to me!!!
I know that this stuff has to be done...but I think in the same since...I haven't had time to grief for my father. And everytime I do something it hits home that he's gone and isn't coming back.

So today I'm staying inside and gonna do what I can in the house...plus I'm gonna make some good old comfort food...maybe chicken fried steak with gravy and smashed potatoes...hmmm!!!

Oh and of course I'm gonna take advantage of Wes while he's here as well....LOL

Is it a Happy Thanksgiving?????

Well it's been a few days ...okay more like a week since I've blogged...but I do have a good excuse!!! My dad passed away.
So I've been so busy taking care of things that I haven't had a chance to do much else.. I just wanted to say that I'll be back tomorrow in full force...

leavin on a jet plane

Well the day that I have been dreading and counting down at the same time is here...Wes is leaving to go back home to Jasper ...leaving me here by my lonesome...
I should complain he came to visit me when I needed him, and now he has to go back to work so that I can stay here and look after my dad.
What a great man I married!!! He would do anything in the world for me, buy me anything or go anywhere for me..I'm one lucky girl.
So in the past week that he's been here, we haven't really done a whole lot..not that we didn't want to but also the reason I'm here is to look after my dad ...so we stayed pretty close to home.

We ate what ever we wanted to .. and now I'm paying the price for it. I went to put on my dress pants this morning and they were way to tight...I did mange to get them on and done up , but way to uncomfortable to stay in all day...so I've decided that now that Wes is going home I'm going to walk every day at the civic centre and lose some weight...I mean what else do I have to do everyday...
till tomorrow

what a way to start the day!!!

I woke up at 8 this morning to find dad already up and at the table....asks me to get him some water...I look outside and it's overcast and looks like it's gonna rain, I instantly feel depressed. I make breakfast for dad 2 fried eggs and some rice cakes...(he's loving the rice cakes lately) and a cup of tea. while he's eating I sit at the computer and check my facebook and emails...the phone rings and it's a friend calling to tell me that my uncle's cancer has doubled in size since july ...okay so now I'm even more depressed...

Tomorrow my husband goes back home to Jasper to go back to work, while I stay here..TEARS come to my eyes...I don't want him to go, but I know he has to (and it's because of him that I can stay with my father). more depressed...Then it hits me right between the eyes ....I have so much to live for, I have my health, my husband, family and friends...I have a lot to live for and I'm going to make the best of it...so away with the depression and tears...I'm gonna enjoy every moment I have with my father ..

okay so this is my first blog...please know that they will not always be this depressing...I just had to get that off my chest...it will be about my father and his disease, but it will also be about me and my everyday life and the things that I see or do!!!